Oh Great, I'm in Detention Again
by PosionQuill
Summary: This time, it's based on a thing I saw on Tumblr. One night the Slytherins get together to play a drinking game where they all have to take a shit whenever Draco Malfoy mentions Harry Potter. Stuff happens. I made up the names of a bunch of characters and I explain why in the story.


**Oh look, I'm in detention again.**

 **If you don't know what I'm talking about because you haven't read the other 2, I'll simply tell you again here; if I end up forgetting to read a fanfic or watch a TV show, The Jellyfish puts me into detention where I have to churn out a fanfic – usually with a ridiculous plot or about a fandom I know next to nothing about – and I'm not allowed to look up anything about it, nor am I allowed to edit it or take it down once I publish it. Ever.**

 **And by the way, I don't really know the names of the kids in Slytherin so I'll just make up a bunch of characters and put them in. Even if I was allowed to look any of the student's names up, I literally cannot be bothered to do so.**

 **So yeah.**

 **I am so sorry for writing this but I had no other choice.**

The Slytherin dorm rooms were mostly empty, as nearly all the students from that house were tucked away in the common room.

A group of the students – mostly 7th Years – had managed to magic up a good few bottles of Muggle vodka and maybe a good few bottles of Apple Sours and beer along with some strong fire whisky (or they stole it from a teacher's office; I don't fucking know they're magic so just go with it).

Shot glasses were scattered about the floor, all of which were just about filled with a mixture of the different bottles of alcohol.

Stood around in a circle, was the group of students who had decided to participate in the game.

This was no ordinary game, however.

All the students had obviously noticed how dreadfully jealous Mr Draco I'm-A-Strong-Independent-Pureblood-Who-Don't-Need-No-Muggle Malfoy was of Harry I-Actually-Have-No-Clue-How-To-Make-A-Sarcastic-Comment-Here-Like-Seriously-I-Can't-Think-Of-Anything-Sassy-Right-Now-So-If-You-Actually-Read-This-Then-Good-For-You Potter. He could go on about Potter for days on end and still not realize that nobody gave a fuck. Even his dad – yeah, the guy with the fabulous hair - was getting real tired of that kid's shit.

So, a few kids in Slytherin decided to get together and make a game out of it. Then, word got out, and everyone made sure that Malfoy (or Snape, for that matter) had no clue about it.

"Okay," said Daniel, one of the boys in the room as he carefully poured in half a bit of vodka and half a bit of Sours into the last empty shot glass. "You all remember the rules?"

"Whenever Malfoy starts talking about Potter, we get to take a shot." Milly said, as she sat opposite Daniel in the circle.

"Be subtle about it, though. We don't want him catching on and getting all pissy about it." Daniel pointed out.

"We're literally surrounded by shot glasses and nearly-empty bottles. There's only so much we can be subtle about." Rubie said.

"You know," they heard the prissy little blond's voice echo from…somewhere. He was about to go into the common room. "That Potter boy…"

As he began his rant, all the Slytherins participating in the game swiftly grabbed a shot glass and downed the alcohol. The shot glasses, being magical, instantly refilled themselves with alcohol of considerably high concentrations (due to this, there was no real need for the bottles, but Milly just really wanted to pour the alcohol because it made her feel like a special snowflake).

Before Malfoy turned around, one student cast a charm over the bottles and glasses to make them invisible.

He didn't notice the horde of students huddled up in a corner, and instead swaggered over to a sofa by the fire place to carry on talking about the boy who lived to Crabbe and Goyle.

This went on for some time. A student would nudge the one next to them if one heard Malfoy say "Potter" and they would all proceed to giggle and take a shot. Every now and then, the grumpy little blond boy would turn around to glare at the group of students who, due to the charm, appeared to be pretending to drink out of small invisible cups. Then he would simply tut, and carry on.

. . .

The two 1st Years had fallen unconscious under a nearby table.

A 5th Year, snoring, was having whiskers drawn on her face by a "tipsy" Milly who was a lot drunker than she cared to admit.

Three 2nd Years had decided to say "fuck everything" and found it very rebellious to drink straight from the remaining bottles (despite the shot glasses having more in them than the remaining liquid in the bottles). Rubie, being more experienced with alcohol, simply sat there mildly amused while she swished the fire whisky around the sides of the shot glass in her hand.

Many of the others, having consumed a worrying amount of alcohol, were slumped around, intoxicated, doing things you'd expected drunken magical children to do.

All in the course of just 3 hours.

"Lightweights…" Rubie muttered to herself as some 7th Years dragged the youngest and sleepiest of the group back to the dorm rooms.

"And then everything changed…when the Fire Whisky attacked…!" Milly whispered to Rubie. Somehow to Milly this awful pun was the funniest thing she'd heard her whole life, as she curled up into a ball next to the more sober of the two. You know when something is so funny that you can't even laugh, you just sort of lay there trembling and scrunching up your face and slowly suffocating? Yeah, that's what she was doing.

Malfoy, who was still up, heard the strange noises and decided to saunter over to the group of students in order to figure out why they were acting so odd, and why it smelt so strongly of booze.

"I want to know what's going on with you fools," he put his hands on his hips, which reminded to two girls of Beyoncé for some reason (let's just assume they're Muggleborns/half-bloods because that's just easier).

Milly was put into a deeper state of hysteria by this thought, and Rubie, momentarily forgetting that Malfoy couldn't see the glass, raised her glass to him as if to say "cheers" and downed the Fire whisky.

The 7th Year, who had been the one to cast the invisibility charm, up-chucked in a corner of the room.

As a result, the charm wore off (just roll with it), and Malfoy jumped back at the sudden glass appearing in Rubie's hand – because, you know, it's not like he as a pureblood wizard would be used to seeing things randomly appearing out of nowhere. Rubie, ignoring him, grimaced at the chunky result of half-digestion on the floor. Milly jumped up at the sound, and decided to not bother watching any more of the display.

"What – what are you doing?!" His eyes darted from the girls to the 7th Year and to the bottles.

"Your mum – EEEEEEEYYYY!" Milly pointed and winked, like that statue of Jesus I once saw on Tumblr.

Then a bunch of other shit happened. Well, what did you expect? A bunch of drunken magical students grouped together as bound to end up with something stupid happening but right now it's just past 1 in the morning and I honestly can't be bothered to go into much more detail.

. . .

Madame Promfrey couldn't remember the last time the hospital wing was so full up of students.

"So, what have these imbeciles gotten themselves into?" Professor Snape asked her grouchily, glaring at the ward full of groaning students. It was midnight, and half the students had passed out while the other half were pretty chill. There were a few who were allowed to stay behind in the dorms due to not being too drunk (however, a few of them had decided to bunk with a few of their friends from other houses due to the Slytherin dorms smelling like vomit. Plus Filch was required to get up and clean it up before it stained, and if that happened then the spell would never come out).

"Blame Malfoy," one student had said when Promfrey had asked why they had consumed so much alcohol, "If he weren't so obsessed with Potter, we wouldn't have had a game to play."

Every now and then, one student would push aside the pre-hangover pains and loudly imitate Malfoy's "Potter…!" leaving the students who were still conscious in little fits of pained giggles.

She simply shook her head at them, and set about with figuring out what kind of bloody treatment they'll all need.

Actually, wait a minute.

How would wizards treat drunken people and hangovers? Like, are there potions or charms used or what? What the heel would they do?

And wouldn't there be some kind of enquiry from the Ministry because of this? I mean, really. A dozen or so students managed to get their magical little hands on not only charms that can refill cups with alcohol, but they also got a hold of actual shot glasses and bottles of alcohol. Surely someone would be like "oh hey, a bunch of kids at this boarding school got alcohol poisoning. Is that something we should be looking into? I mean, we looked into a fuckload of other crap, we're even paying a guy to look into the function of a rubber fucking duck." No? Okay.

 **Yeah I'm not sure how to end this, but…eh.**

 **Sorry you had to read this. I'm very tired.**

 **Lots of love, The Panda**


End file.
